Resurfaced Truths

Jul 21, 20227 min read

When the forgotten old resurfaces.

2005 decided to drop in on my 2020. The why behind it taking me so long to begin using these photos in any capacity.

This was my first professional photo shoot in years, it was in between lockdowns, in late October 2020. I had only had 3 hours sleep due to a mixture of excitement, nervousness and all transparency dealing with a trauma I had buried from 2005 that resurfaced the previous day.

The day before this shoot, I went to my magician Soul Sister’s salon for her to dye my hair for it.

Earlier in July of 2020 whilst playing golf, and attempting to wear a mask, my body knew before I was cognisant this was a no-go for me. That day on the golf course, each time I attempted to wear the mask, I would begin burping and clearing energy like crazy. Almost like a bad case of the hiccups. So I knew going to my Soul Sister’s Salon, the thought of having to wear a mask was for many many reasons, more than a touchy subject for me.

I got to the door of the salon, with a cloth mask the side pocket of my handbag and I just stood there, the whole shop front is glass, so everyone could see me just loitering outside the door. I didn’t want to go in without a mask in respect for my Sister, at the same time though, I could not bring myself to put it on and walk in. So I waited until the entrance was clear of people and slunk into the salon and stood there just beside the door and waited for my Soul Sister to come approach me, when she was ready.

She was completely fine without me wearing a mask, and she guided me to one of the salon chairs and said, “I’ll be with you in a minute, love.” When she walked away, I curled my legs up in the chair and hugged them under my green shawl, and before I knew it I was trembling and began sobbing uncontrollably, my heart was aching and I was finding it difficult to breathe. I didn’t understand at all what was going on, because I didn’t have a mask on. I was muting my cry to silent sobbing to be as invisible as possible because the salon was full of people. She came over to check on me and start the session when she noticed I was crying, and she asked if I was ok, and if it was because of the mask. I said to her “I really do not know”. She said the no mask isn’t a problem, and we can get me set up in one of the wax rooms to do my colour there. I was so gracious because I had no idea in that moment why I was crying the way I was.

Shortly after, one of the rooms was prepped and I went in and sat down. We discussed colour, ever so briefly, as I’ve always liked a darkest brown, and my Sister has her own concoction for reflects, ect. and then she left the room to go mix up the colour.

As I sat there in front of the mirror, I asked my vessel telepathically, why are you crying? What happened to you? It’s safe to tell me.

Within moments I had a series of flash backs, like a highlight reel of a movie scene. Emotionally and energetically, I was taken back to when I was 22. And to the time I was living in the back of my then boyfriends and my station wagon whilst travelling up the east coast of Australia, and to when we had stopped in to visit his stepbrother.

The next thing that I felt and saw, was him strangling me, throttling me whilst I was still sleeping in the back of the Wagon. Screaming/ roaring in my face something non-sensical about me embarrassing him. I was crying scared and screaming, held under the blankets by his knees when he straddled me and he had his hands over my mouth and throat pushing down on me screaming at me.

I had until this moment, completely suppressed this memory.

My Sister walked back in with the hair dye, not even 5 mins later, and I said to her, “I know why I am crying. (Ex-bf name) strangled me in the back of our car when we were on our trip.” She was speechless, as was I. And I began to feel numb as the realisation deepened.

I later recalled the reason why or how this event took place. You see my ex and I, we were avid and quite good Poker players, for a few years there playing Texas Hold’em. We had been playing a game with his Brother the night before, cash on the table as always most likely, and he folded an obvious bluff, I laughed and called him a “limp-dick” as a joke, which many of us would say to one another over the poker table when we didn’t have the gumption to call a bet, or on the skate park if we didn’t have the guts to try a new trick. It was nothing.

However, in his sleep it must have turned into something larger, because when he woke he attacked me, whilst I was still asleep, and the little bit of screaming roaring non-sense that came literally spitting out of his mouth as he pinned me down was, “how could you say I’m a limp dick in front of my brother? He’ll now think he can’t get it up.” Or something to that effect. It was absolutely fucking insane. Especially to not even mention it after it happened, and even more psychotic to attack a sleeping person shaking them and screaming at them like a mad man.

So as I sat there in the wax room, gently crying as I retold the event to my Sister as she applied the dye. Once she finished and left both my colour and I to process, I did mirror work on it immediately, for a solid 40 mins to recall everything of this event on all levels (psychological, emotional, somatic, spiritual and energetically from the Quantum) to prepare for what needed to happen next, just, not until after the photo shoot.

Knowing I needed to have this attended to by Sisterly support, my Higher Self popped someone into mind immediately. That afternoon after leaving the Salon I phoned Abby Kniep and arranged to have a healing session with her, a day or so after my photo shoot. To which I still get chills when I connect with her, however in 2020 whenever we did speak sporadically over the months in the lead up to this, my body was goosed each and every time and I knew that I would be working with this Sister in some capacity in the near future. So, Abby, if you are reading this, I love you Sister, so much, and I am beyond gracious for the space you held, the love you gave, and healing you supported me to work through that day. It was beyond what I could have done on my own. Deepest bow to you Sister always.

During that evening, it was on replay in my head, and the more it replayed over, the more and more detail came back to my memory. Not only was I getting nervous about the shoot I was excited for it however, getting even more nervous that I make look like garbage the next day with barely any sleep and potential of waking up with a puffy face from crying. When I did finally get to sleep it was restless, and I was in another realm upon closing my eyes, so no real rest was had.

After this photo shoot, which by the way, was taken by the beautiful Soul’s Chali and Luke of We Are Photo Factory, I wasn’t feeling in a space for almost six months to a year to use them publicly. I could see and feel in these photos what was really going on and as everything is energy and I am not the only psychic channel on the planet, it felt like I would be baring wounds I was not yet ready to speak of with the world, let alone write about as I am now.

Tonight, I was attempting to rest, as I have my Moon and with the recent deep healing work I have been doing, she is supporting me in clearing out some energetically heavy issues I have been attending to of late. Tonight, she and my heart felt it was time to release this event to the world – to the ethers – to support me in releasing it from my vessel. For good.

It's quite strange how the healing journey works, as this event I experienced in 2005 has not been in the forefront of my focused healing work these past weeks, at all. And perhaps that’s how we know when we’ve really healed something. Is when you can sit and pour your story out of you in 1500 words and 30 mins without feeling an iota of emotional charge around the event of what took place.

Feels quite liberating to be honest and empowering AF to sit here typing this share for the world to see without a single fuck given or emotional somatic spikes of any kind resurfacing whilst re-telling – ergo reliving – the story that took place. As it is verbatim what took place because my heart and vessel reminded me. And neither of which can nor will ever lie to you.

Trust yourself.

Trust your journey.

Trust in your body’s timing.

Trust it knows how and when it is best to heal what needs attending.

Trust your heart and surrender to the wisdom of your body.

It knows beyond any logic or cognisance you can rationale.

I trust this serves.

Thank you for reading.

Thank you for being.

I love you.

Feel free to share to those you love, who may need to receive this.

Session links are at the bottom of this page, and my calendar is always open.